Review: The Expendables

Sylvester Stallone is one of my favourite actors. Sure you can't understand him half the time, since he speaks only out of one side of his mouth, and he's often in mindlessly violent films such as Rambo or overcommercialized shlock such as Judge Dredd or Spy Kids 3D (my least favourite movie of all time), but when he gets a good role, he always steals the show.
Thus, when I heard that he was making The Expendables, I was excited to see him continue from the fantastic retread through his glory days that began with Rocky VI and Rambo IV, culminating in a new story coming straight from the classic 80's sagas. The fact that he was working alongside some of the biggest action stars of the past 30 years, including Jason Statham, Jet Li, and Mickey Rourke, only increased the anticipation. After finally seeing the film, at the last showing of the day, in an almost empty theatre, I have to say that it's pretty much what I expected, and nothing more.

The film begins by introducing The Expendables, a band of mercenaries-for-hire. Throughout the entire film, I only managed to garner two of the characters' names, Barney (Stallone), and Christmas (Statham), which seems slightly ironic considering Stallone's last two films had the names directly in the titles. The names of the characters didn't matter much to the plot, anyhow.
The film quickly introduces the crazy member of the group, played by Dolph Lundgren, who some may remember as Ivan Dravo in Rocky IV. After a mission in which he almost kills Jet Li (his character at least), he is reluctantly sent out of the group by Stallone.Shortly afterwards, Stallone is offered a job by Bruce Willis, which leads to an incredibly humourous scene in which Arnold Schwarzeneggar cameos as a rival mercenary.
The job is to remove the dictator of Vilena, being ripped apart by it's leader, General Garza, and his shadow-master, and Ex-CIA agent. After scoping the area, killing 41 soldiers in the process , Stallone and Statham decide the job can't be done, although when their female contact in the country is kidnapped, Stallone decides to head back alone.

Mickey Rourke tattoos Stallone

As you can see, the plotline is nothing too new or original, basically rerunning the best of what 80's action films had to offer. The story seems to serve only as a tool in which to pack the action that makes up eighty percent of the movie, which is a pity, seeing as drama can be very effectively played in an action film, as evidenced in First Blood. Mickey Rourke plays the only character I felt something for besides the thrill of the ride, and he only appears in a couple of scenes as a former teammate. There was, however, a lot of comedy, often poking at the actor's career outside of the film, such as Schwarzeneggar saying of Stallone "He loves to play in jungles" (a reference to Rambo).

Statham, Stallone, and Randy Coutre

Despite it's all-star cast, The Expendables isn't too great of an action film. The beginning is boring and drags on for too long, and the plot is a drag, but when it comes down to it, the action itself is what the audience paid to see, and that is excellent. It's great to see all of the best action stars together, even if it's not in the greatest movie. I loved Stallone before, and I love him now, even if I still can't understand what he's saying.

I'd say the film merits a 6/10 - Entertaining, but not too worth a rewatch.