Dreams of Skydiving Coma Patients

I admit it, I tend to write weird things when I'm half asleep.
Often, in the middle of the night, or early morning, I'll grab my laptop without even opening my eyes and jot down strange ideas that sound awesome at the time. They're probably what I was dreaming at the time.
The most recent of these is this;

A man who is fit is about to marry a woman after he discovers she’s pregnant with his child. they get married, but then before their skydiving honeymoon, he is hit by a car and goes into a coma. 16 years later he wakes up and has to bond with his son, whilst he tries to win back the woman. He decides to take skydiving in an effort to do so. In the end he meets someone else but has bonded with his son.

This has been unchanged from the original text.
Now, it starts off reasonably well, despite being strangely precise about this guy being fit, but it quickly devolves into weirdness.

What exactly is a skydiving honeymoon? It sounds like it would be a pretty short getaway, and besides, aren't honeymoons basically about sex? You can't really have sex when falling from an aircraft (or at least not very easily).
So the guy's hit by a car, goes into a coma, and wakes up sixteen years later, having to bond with his now 15-year old son and win back the woman, who has presumably moved on or something.
What I don't get is how skydiving is supposed to win her back.
I mean, I can understand that it was their honeymoon plan, but what does that have to do with wooing her?
The end of the story seems pretty Hollywood. They could make this into a movie and it would make millions! ... Maybe that's how I'll get rich!

The greatest quotes about love

Don't worry, I'm not getting sappy.Whilst watching QI, I was inspired to collect the greatest list of love quotations ever.

... or at least some interesting ones.

"Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock."

- John Barrymore

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house."

 - Groucho Marx

"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."

 - Henry Youngman

"I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox."

 - Woody Allen

"My wife and I were happy for 20 years - then we met."

 - Rodney Dangerfield

"They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I figure that's why my boyfriend moved."

 - Christy Murphy

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time."

 - Robin Williams

Thump, Thump, Thump!

We've all been there. It's sometime around midnight, and you have an early class/assignment/trip to make in the morning, but a deep bass beat keeps driving through your wall and into your bedroom.
Now, that's what happened to me last night.

I'm not a party person anyway, I don't drink, fit in socially, or consider any of the throbbing beats that shake my inner organs to be music. Even so, I can put up with the occasional get together, although personally I prefer simply going out to see a movie, a meal, or a similar quiet activity, wherein I can actually hear people talk.
What I don't understand is why people would have a party in an apartment anyway. I've tried it (or at least R tried it when he lived with me), and it was cramped, loud, and meant we got several knocks and a letter on the door asking for the noise to be kept down. Surely it would make more sense for it to be held at a pub, or at the very least a building that isn't connected to several others on all sides, with a balcony opening out into the street, so the entire neighbood can listen to the racket?

Well, I digress. I ended up leaving and spending the night at my mum's house, which was closer to my morning destination anyway.
Anyway, rant over.
At least the party wasn't during the school year on a weekday, since then I'd be royally besmirched (though in the upcoming term, all of my classes start at 1pm or later...).

We need to talk

What does that mean? eh? I hate it when a girl says that to me, my heart sinks. Like the Titanic..."Jack! Come back Jack!!" It always feels like it means something terrible. Girls are such a pain in the ass.

OK so I get told "we need to talk" pretty often, and each time it feels like I just swallowed my own heart whole. It's really not a good feeling. Girls know this too. And you really never know what to expect. But I can tell you a couple things to expect.

When she says "we need to talk" it can mean several things.

1) I'm really mad at you for something you did, it can either be pretty insignificant or it can be massive, but I won't let you know until mid-fight.

2) I don't want to talk to you about this in front of these other people.

3) I'm not mad at you, in fact something really fun and exciting happened to me and I want to tell you, I just want you to eat your heart out first.

The reason why I'm writing this really is because in a few hours, meaning about 9 pm, I'm going to go talk with a girl who told me that we need to talk....great.

Scott Pilgrimage - PART II

Here's Part II of the Scott Pilgrimage that I went on with R and our friend Will, from Dreamview Photography.
Part I is HERE.

First off, where Scott calls Knives at Bathurst and Bloor. The phone booths are different, but the Insomnia sign is there..

Secondly, the Toronto Reference Library, where Knives attacks Ramona. Sadly, we can't take pictures inside without a permit, but some drunk guy came up to us and asked us to take pictures of him. R's written about that.

Nest is Lee's Palace. The art outside is different, but still pretty cool.

This Honest Ed's. The interior is described by Julie in the book as "Do you know how when a baby is born it just cries from the sheer horror of being alive?"

Dundas Square (or Yonge-Dundas, since that's the intersection). Always stuff to see here.

We actually ate here, at Sneaky Dee's. It was absolutely delicious. The nachos were like ambrosia.

Instead of just saying 'north', the bus I saw at the Dundas Coach Terminal was going to Montreal.

Cameron House. That picture was staring at me the entire time I stood outside.

And finally, The Chaos Theatre, which in reality is some sort of community center for the homeless, which just makes Gideon even more of a dick for turning it into a club.

 So that's the end of the Scott Pilgrimage. I have a couple of extra pictures that I may put up sometime next week, such as the house at Scott's address (which looks nothing like the book), or alternate angles of certain places.

For larger views of all the pictures here, check out my Flickr set at http://www.flickr.com/photos/53422866@N08/sets/72157624808597322/

So this black guy...

So as we know D and I went to Toronto to do our little "pilgrimage" to go see all the locations for Scott Pilgrim. We were outside the place where Knives Chau sits on the roof, when this black guy (clearly hammered) comes up to us and starts mumbling and asking us to take pictures of him. So D and Will (dreamview) took some pictures of him. But it wasn't the good ol' classic smile and pose pictures, this guy was bending over crossing his arms in front of his face, giving gang signs and peace signs. Thanks D for the pics ;)

Wtf eh?

Scott Pilgrimage

So I've heard of Scott Pilgrimage's before, and decided to try one. To the uninitiated, it's when people go out to locations specifically mentioned in the Scott Pilgrim books.

I decided to do something a little different, however, and went out with R and our friend Will, from Dreamview Photography, with the plan to recreate several frames from the books exactly.

Let's see how I did.

First we have Wychwood Library, where Scott first saw Ramona in person (as opposed to subspace/a dream).

Next we have the park where Scott and Ramona go on their first date. Wait, did I say date? Slip of the tongue.

 

Now, the park doesn't look quite the same in the picture, but notice that it does have the swingset, duck seesaw, and the splash pad (or whatever that concrete round hole is in on the ground)

Next, we see the Second Cup where Stacy Pilgrim works.

And the end of today's pictures (more tomorrow), Casa Loma, where Scott fought Lucas Lee, and R and Will agreed to pose for me.

Continue on to PART II

Review: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

So I'm going to post my own review along with D's, it's probably going to be a lot shorter but that's OK. Anyway, D and I went on what we like to call the Scott Pilgrimage, meaning we looked for locations in the comic books and in the movie on a map in Toronto, and we went to most of those locations...which...was...awesome. We decided to do that before going to see the movie itself (first time for me, second time for D).

So the movie starts out with Universal's logo and song, but slightly with a twist, it was pixelated and the song sounded like it was a midi file...awesome.

I was recently told that the movie was filmed after only the 4th book has been made, because during the movie I was like "Wait! That's not how it happened!!" So it makes sense that about halfway through the movie everything kind of changes. But that's not a bad thing, in truth the movie can stand on it's own without you having to read the comics before hand, and that's extremely hard to do considering it's based on comics.

The comics story is more about maturity and growing up, while as the movie touched on more the relationship part of things, and making new relationships and mending old ones.

The movie's pace was awesome. By that I mean there isn't one part of the movie where I was bored, it definitely was the first A.D.D movie ever. Like the director stated, when a musical has too much emotion going around, everyone breaks out into song...in this movie, when there is too much emotion, people break out into fights. Which is so cool. Michael Cera (almost forgot about this) was actually perfect for Scott. At first I didn't think so, because like many of you (and I know you thought this) I said things like "oh he's too awkward", or "he's such a one trick pony actor"....but I was WRONG! For all of those who thing they know Michael Cera, go watch this movie.

I could go on for like a Long time but I'm not going to.

I give Scott Pilgrim vs. The World a 9/10

Very well done, editing was amazing, acting was great, plot (of course) was great, but wasn't perfect because it could have had more of a relationship between Scott and Ramona.

Mario 3-2

Mario 3-2
By D

I sit alone, quite late at night,

Before my TV, warm and bright,

Beside me, cans of mountain dew

As I play through Mario world three dash two.

I made it this far by the seat of my pants

And now I have but a single chance.

I knock a koopa, push his shell,

And send three goombas into hell

Leaping high, I reach a block

And with my head, give it a knock.

Out comes a mushroom from the top;

My size increases with a pop.

Running now, I find a star:

Oh what luck I’ve had so far!

At frantic pace, I speed around

And barely even touch the ground,

But even as I gaily run,

Alas the music’s quickly done.

I hit a koopa, one that flies,

And straight away I lose my size.

But wait! The end is really near,

It doesn’t seem there’s much to fear.

I hop, and skip, and squash and fly,

But as I come down from the sky

I see a pipe within my stride,

And a piranha plant, its mouth so wide.

 I cannot stop, I quickly fall,

And let the creature end it all.

The screen turns black, sad music plays,

“Game Over” the only thing it says.

I shake my head and view my score,

But before I start to play some more,

I get up briefly, to take a pee,

And regret I didn’t reach three dash three.

Part II - EVERYONE ELSE IS ALSO GAY!

Alrighty, here's part II of Christwire.org's list of ways to tell if your husband is gay!
As said before, I consider them all to be nonsense.

9) Too many friendly young male friends

Someone who makes an extra effort to surround themselves with younger men should raise concerns in any community. If this is the case with your husband, ask yourself if he prefers their company to that of women. Do they touch each other or embrace in long hugs? Do they exchange expensive, personal gifts like scarves or cologne?

Ho Ho Homo!

This is obviously a tell-tale sign. No-one but gay men hug or buy each other presents. I can think of someone who surrounds himself with younger male figures, young boys, hugs them and gives them presents. I mean that's got to mean Santa's gay, doesn't it?

10) Travels frequently to big cities or Asia

Some husbands will spend a great deal of money traveling far from home to hide their deplorable same-sex actions. Big cities offer indulgence of every kind. From gay bars and clubs to prostitutes and sex bathhouses, a man seeking encounters can find them easily if he’s so inclined. Is there ever really a good excuse for a husband to visit Thailand or San Francisco without his wife?

The answer to that question is Yes. And the reason why is called business. The majority of guys go on holiday alone because of business, not because they're trying to hide their homosexuality. Besides, I've never even heard of a 'sex bathhouse' existing outside of Ancient Rome.What does the author of this have against Asia, anyway? Are they racist as well as homophobic?


11) Sassy, sarcastic and ironic around his friends

A man who is secretly engaged in homosexual activity with others may exhibit feminine qualities when they get together in a group. In a sense, he has “let his hair down” and this will be seen in excessive back talk and speaking with one’s hands.

Sarcasm and irony is feminine? The majority of what guys do with their friends is insult them, without attempting to be excessively mean. OH NO! This means that every male TV character is gay. This includes Fred Flintstone, Dr. McCoy, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Bugs Bunny! (Though he is always kissing Elmer Fudd...)



12) Love of pop culture

It’s quite common for young men to enjoy the science fiction end of popular culture, but when your husband becomes overly obsessed with romantic and feminine shows, that is cause for alarm. Gossip websites, Glee and The Golden Girls are three well-documented icons of the gay movement that genuine heterosexual men avoid.

Well documented icons? I don't remember the Golden Girls being an icon of gay pride. Maybe senior's pride. Besides, Glee isn't even about gay people - well, sure, one person on the show is gay, but that's like saying LOST is all about black people just because there's a couple of them on the show.

OH NO, he's going to corrupt the youth!

13) Extroverted about his bare chest in public

Does he go shirtless in the back yard or at picnics when other men are around? Does he wear a speedo at the beach? Does it seem like he’s purposely standing right in the middle of a crowd to show off his chest and arm muscles, peppering people with questions about how strong he looks?

ARNOLD IS GAY?!?!
I strongly doubt wearing no shirt has anything to do with homosexuality. Besides, "peppering people with questions" makes it sound more like he's got some form of mental handicap rather than an alternate sexuality.

14) Sudden heavy drinking

Sometimes people dealing with an unbearable emotional issue like homosexuality will turn to alcohol to hide their distress. Does your man disappear on drinking binges for long hours without answering his cellphone? Is there a strange odor about him when he returns, some strange mix of cigarettes and gel? Does he cry frequently?

As we all know, every guy who drinks, smokes and wears gel in their hair must be gay. After all, why else would they have vices and crunchy hair. And if he's crying, it's doubly certain that he's gay.

"My father just died"

"Shuttup Gay-boy!"

Yeah, it's pretty much all Bullshit.

PART I - R, Myself, and all other guys are secretly GAY!

.... but not really.
Now, I'm not religious, but Christwire.org recently posted a list of signs to look for in order to see if your husband is gay. These range from the obvious to the downright weird. Let's take a look.

1) Secretive late night use of cellphones and computers

Porn addiction is closely associated with homosexuality and a secretive nature implies he’s trying to hide something from you. Be on the lookout for a man who doesn’t want to web surf or answer phone calls in your presence.

"Oh yeah, show me that pussy!"

Now, I thought most guys liked porn, not just the gay ones. Heck, porn is one of the greatest things in existence to a lot of men, as it allows them to see nakedness without the effort of actually finding a woman and getting her in the mood.
As for the secretive nature, I think there's a lot more affairs where the adulterer is straight rather than gay. This doesn't seem like it's so much a sign that the husband wants man-pole, and more a sign of impending divorce.

2) Looks at other men in a flirtatious way

When you’re out in public, does he spend too much time looking at other men? Is he fond of winking at people? Does he get visibly upset when someone does not return a compliment about his physical appearance? 

According to this, most bad comedians must be gay, winking at the end of every bad pun. I wonder if this applies to cartoon characters, since they seem to wink all the time, with a peculiar ding noise that comes from nowhere (seriously, is there a guy with a triangle following them and waiting for them to wink?).

"I'm not winking, my eye was eaten by a rat!"

3) Feigning attention in church and prayer groups

Have you noticed a lack of interest in spiritual issues? Does it ever seem as if he’s just using church as an excuse to spend time around young men? Does he volunteer to mentor in all-male groups?

Have you ever been to church? It's absolutely boring. I'd probably be more worried if I saw someone paying rapt attention to the priest, since they're most likely the person who made this list. Also, is this list accusing both bored priests and Scout leaders of being gay? Young men, all male groups... Mine Gott, they're right!

4) Overly fastidious about his appearance and the home

Natural men have a certain amount of grit about them. They sweat and they smell. Homosexuals often abhor this sort of thing and will also be incredibly particular about the cleanliness of the home. Does your man tweeze his eyebrows, trim his pubic hairs or use face moisturizers?

So in order to be straight you need to stink, not shave, have dry, cracking skin, and a beard between your legs...
No wonder so many women like gay men, all straight men are lumberjacks (or not according to Monty Python)!



5) Gym membership but no interest in sports

Gay men use the gym as a place to socialize and to have secret liaisons in the bathrooms. They like to work out their bodies without the competition of sports play. Afterward, they use the showers and steam rooms to engage in sexual activity beyond the prying eyes of women. If your man returns from the gym too exhausted to talk or have sex, that is a worrisome sign.

Because it's completely impossible that he could have been working out, and be tired from that. It's so obvious that he's been having fun gay romps with towels, lube, whips, and kinky fuzzy handcuffs in the showers at the local gym.

6) Clothes that are too tight and too “trendy”

Gay men don’t need words to communicate their availability for sex “hook ups.” They silently broadcast the news by showing off their lean, hard bodies in designer clothing labels. If your husband owns skinny jeans and looks at his buttocks in the mirror or if he wears an inordinate number of small-sized t-shirts, it is probably worthwhile to pay more attention to his private activities.

I KNEW IT! GAY MEN HAVE ESP! Actually, the way this describes gay men as 'lean' and 'hard' makes me question the author's sexuality. Besides, everyone owns skinny jeans nowadays, so it's probably pretty hard to tell who's gay and who's simply fashionable.

7) Strange sexual demands

Fetishism is a sign that a man is seeking a harder thrill beyond the normal intimacy of heterosexual relations. The woman may not appeal to the deep desires that are coming to the surface as the marriage drags on.

That's right. If your husband is kinky, it means he's gay, rather than turned on by S&M (which is still better than being turned on by M&M's).Also, something tells me that the author isn't happily married. Maybe he's writing this list about himself!

8) More interested in the men than the women in pornographic films

Pornography is a dangerous element in any marriage but there are many Christians who feel watching it does add something to their sexual lives. If you have gone down this road and find that your man perks up at the sight of the men in these sorts of videos, you should be concerned. If he selects films because of specific male actors, this is an obvious sign that he is suffering from a crisis of ego and desire.

The average male pornstar

Now this actually sounds possible... although you have to realize that there's probably only three guys in porn who have names anyway. Ron Jeremy, something Steele, and some other black guy. Most of the guys in porn aren't even shown above the waist once they're taken their clothes off. What's a 'crisis of ego and desire', anyway?





Part II is coming tomorrow.